A letter to Ronnie Howard from Sadie Mae Glutz (1969)
Hello
I can see
your side of this clearly. Nor am i mad at you. I am hurt in a way i only
understand. I blame
nobody but myself for ever saying anything to anybody about it. My attorney is
going to go on insanity. Yes, I wanted the world to know “M”. It sure looks
like they do now. There was a so called motive behind all this. It was to
install fear into the pigs and to bring on judgment day which is here now for
all.
In the first place there are no strangers
to me or “M”. In the word kill the only thing that dies is the ego. All ego
must die anyway, it is written. Yes it could have been your house it could have
been my fathers (sic) house also. In killing someone physically you are only
releasing the soul. Life has no boundaries and death is only an illusion.
If you can believe in the second
coming of Christ “M” is he who has come to save. Insanity is reality and not
caring. When you truly love you do not care about anyone or anything you just
love. “M” does not care, I know this to be the truth. Maybe this will help you
to understand. I am not going to fight this. I will let my attorney do that. I
am going to save my soul, the body my soul is housed in can be destroyed for
all I care. To live forever is all I want, and I really don’t care about that.
I did not admit to being in the
2nd house, because I was not in the second house. I went before the grand jury
because my attorney said your testimony was enough to convict me and all the
others. He also said it was my only chance to save myself. Then I was out to
save myself. I have gone through some changes since then. I am ceasing to be
inside rather than seeming to be. I have been going through changes about
feeling guilty about testifying and all that has happened. For me to say I am
sorry is not enough for me. I have been dying a little more every day. Giving
up my useless thoughts. I know now it has all been perfect.
Yes we are beyond petty caring.
Love is also beyond limits. These people died not out of hate or anything ugly.
I am not going to defend our beliefs. I am just telling you the way it is.
I am also content here. My
attorney gives me money. He just deposited $20 to my account. As I write to you
I feel more at ease inside.
When I first heard you were the
informer I wanted to slit your throat. I snapped that I was the real informer
and it was my throat I wanted to cut. Well that’s over with now as I let the
past die away from my mind. You know it will turn out ok in the end anyway. “M”
or no “M”, Sadie or no Sadie. Love will still run forever. I am giving up me to
become that love a little more every day. Changes, Changes, Only Love if
forever Changing.
Cease to exist just come and say
you love me. As I say I love you or should say I love Me (my love) in you.
Write me
I hope now you understand a
little more. If not ask.
Sadie